The Lending Heart

i counted your footsteps into the mist
when the trees collapsed out of vision
and the markers along the way
became stumbling blocks

you held my hand as my ears rang
two rounds of 360 degrees
and i've spun helplessly
like i knew it was time

and the forest grew thick
darker and heavier than our finality
and we couldn't find each other, no
we couldn't but hear a shared loneliness

the sun would set,
but we wouldn't see it
not for our lifetimes
as the enormity of solitude tumbled upon us

the weight of loss slipping through
like a tattoo into our bone marrow
a freight of overwhelming
limitless embraces fallen short

and i cannot count the days you'll be alone
i cannot count days
i see no way to keep time
as we slowly spin behind the eyes of terror

lift your head to the hidden skies
beg the clouds and mist depart
but your feet are sunken
and the mud is thick

slow, molasses bubbles
sulfur and i'm choking on my own words
rigid and frail and

broken

and shifting in the lightless chasm
stranded and another random number
as we descend to loneliness together

--

treason was a seven letter word
until you reached through my ribs
with your gentle eyes
and i betrayed my intuition

and now i'm standing above your friends
deeming them unworthy of your glory
as you depart from them
and your heart from them aches, aches, aches

--

you deserve far more than this humble good-bye
they care, they care, but they don't know
and you can't let them go
no, but you have and it hurts and
they need you more than you know

vain is not your effort as you mourn their loss
you frigid blossom
you are not alone
and these warm arms warn you of the loneliness ahead

and as i granulate our friendship
and praise every tiny morsel that we share
the microscope of tender kindness finds
that we are facing the greatest enemy of ourselves

stranded in a world of realization
kicking and screaming like we don't understand
the overall effect of our journey to the end
and you extend your hand to me for a waltz

a moment where superfluous serendipity
meets the cusp of humanity
and we trust each other to succeed
and we fall short of glory
as though it is our nature to fail

gracefully
we stand together and face the storm
and you are anonymous to me
in these moments

but we can't deliver a message
unless it's engraved in our headstones
as we sleep
and sleep

until the sun devours even our resting place
the monarchy shall find its grave beside ours
and we bemoan our difficult plight
we deciduous beings, never satisfied until we make it known

known to ourselves that the decades we remain
are short, short, short moments
that we can never explain
until we stand atop ourselves and grant wisdom

wisdom to be rightfully terrified
this terrific world is a flake of lemon-zest
in an otherwise unexplored universe
stretching eons of misinterpretation

i love you
and those three words have overthrown
this entire love letter
and we are back to treason

and i fear for you
and those four words
shift like sunlight through
sunless chasms

i've never asked for affection
and i never will
that's not who we are
but you have the importance to me
of an uncountable, undeniable memory-in-the-making

and the children of the planet go on
monetizing their success
shifting blame
making derelict the hands of empathy

and i wouldn't be writing this
if it weren't for you
blossom of the deepest verdance

we are all small
and you must never, ever forget it.
you must. NEVER give in
to the tiniest notion
that you are worthless

you are worth more than the overwhelming magnitude
of the galaxy
of
the innumerable galaxies
the cosmos within you shines
and you, the hand of macroscopic soliloquy

i beg your heart to fear rightfully
and to stand strong in plaintive's spite

king your doubts
and let them reign supreme
as you sneak in and poison their wines
and disease their barracks

stand tall, gentle flower
stand high above the menacing doubt
behold the beauty that you were
and sing, sing, sing of the beauty you will be

as you transition from love and life
to fear and loneliness
you must never doubt
that you shall transition again

a guiding mind lifts you above the mire
and you have made real the importance
of listening to your own voice
without autovoxiphilia

as you face these new trials
you will grow in beauty
and i was impressed already
...i have no doubt i will swoon

as you climb through the mist
and scream, thinking it's in vain
you tear momentous tasks
and see them for their drudgery

i beseech your beautiful, verdant heart
bring peace to your arms
bring peace as you cascade tears
and listen to this embrace

listen to our beginning moments together
as you face the reckoning of your past self
and step into the gauntlet of the new
the fearful
the worthy opponent
the unknown threat
the pillar of doubt
the tower of oppression
the blade of deceit
the swamp of neglect
the mountain of triumph
the galaxy of self-worth
the shame of the past
the love of the past
the hate of the past
the fear of the past
the defining moments
of
the
past

you are beautiful
you are beautiful because you are alive
and i cannot shape you
and i will not shape you

because every time you fear
every time you glance
every time you have the slightest doubt

you persevere
you live
you are alive

you are alive and i love you
you are a teacher
and i love you

you are a student and i love you

you are honest
and i care so trenchingly deep for you

that the simplest act of trust
sends me across the world and back
just to know


that you are here
in these moments of loneliness
dressed in the love of the past
and the fear of the future

you tender petal
as your heart fears the unknown
so do i encourage you to make these steps yours
and face the universe with arms wide open

reeling as you find your foothold

and i praise your graceful dance
and i will forever be here
a reminder of your past and a beacon of the present
but you must hand your future to yourself

include me or not
i fear nothing of loss
for i have gained every moment
knowing you are facing your decisions
as you are confronted, so do you confront

as you stand, so do you behold the future

and in these final moments
i ask for you to build, to forever build
and send a prayer to the twilight sky for me
the inevitable destruction of our universe
is ours to cherish

and we can't filter out bad feelings
we can't accomplish thriving success

but we can hold each other's hearts
and be together as we face the cold emptiness of space
that cold that we are shielded from every day
every millisecond

and face the world with scowling eyes
a fist of determination
and a willingness to destroy fetters for the future

i can't remember a time i have not appreciated your heart
and the sun has nothing to say
as it dictates the world around us
you flourish like the beautiful mind you are

and carry your sorrows along with me
as the tides catch us unawares

soon enough we will return
and as we suddenly realize where we belong
the stars will shine in the sky once more
a testament to our trial

--

when we rest
it shall be my heart in your hands
your efforts in my embrace
and our song in the emptiness without audience