slenderblade

and the journey became heavy with slow burdened steps

i lost my will to finish NaPo

if i have a sudden spark tomorrow, perhaps i'll power through two weeks of work.


there's an upload limit of 2 to 3 poems "per day" to group sites, so...


well,
maybe something will work out.


defeated, but still here.

my grandmother is probably facing her last few days 
last night she said she was so tired, so very tired

but after she fell asleep, she's not shown signs of waking up.
or if she's awake, she's not responding to external stimuli.

the heart monitor continues. 
but she sang songs with my mother and sister before she fell asleep.


she's ready, i'm not.

edit 6:12 eastern today
she's passed through the door

crimson dusk fills the sky
old and heavy like unrecorded beliefs
no crime could shake the planet like mine

three million years ago
i could have been saved
no, freed, from my fish-hook grave
where the writhing souls call my name

no disaster could purge my mark on this planet
the trees themselves shed leaves in the spring,
and it's all my failure.

my grisly failure to grasp the tapestry of memory
the downfall of my species when the great collapse began

no one was ready
that well we speak of?
is wet with fire
soaked to the bone with molten lead

they shout with conviction
ill hreth gevtocsh, creeds ach'haldroven
and no single human would ever forgive

thread bare promises slip off my throat
like slurries of sewer eat hair
oily mats of shadow coiling around my neck

and i stand hunched over with a staff of reckoning
holding me up like Zeus on his final day
the holy future denied me by reality

no amount of begging would bring them back to me
and it was then i realized
that i had already died

i've been running my mind into the ground 100% with distractions
and i think it's subconsciously intentional
keeping my fingers out of the pool of thought that involves /me/

and i think there's a small crack



but anyway 
i've been silent

and i've been neglecting this site

the sickening part is that i'm unfeeling about it
it doesn't mean i don't care
i care a whole ton 

but it feels like i'm observing this world while i'm outside of my body
detached
staring at everyone 

i love you all