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new records are good right?

today i went out to get fast food
i had other things to do... but did i do them?

me: that's enough human interaction for today. time for a nap.

i placed my order and thanked the cashier.

i wonder why i get so exhausted from these things
I've lived in three houses since December
I've become distant and reclusive even to the ones i love

I've turned to momentary relief through purposeful ignorance. usually one bottle per night

i don't even see this as a cry for help

i always have the option of silence

I'm stubbornly patient
and I'll wait for anyone if they ask me to
even if it kills me
I'll even wait if I'm not asked

the pitiable problem is that i might also be waiting for myself

i doubt I'll come around any time soon
the little "bookmark" emblems are gone for poetry/prose deviation submissions.
i put up with this, but i don't know why. 
i did some improv and stuff. you can listen here

soundcloud.com/ian-pierce-4951…
i've been forced to make some relatively large life decisions in the past 24 hours. 
i believe that i can honestly say there are some dark times ahead for me
perhaps i will detail more later

Certainly this will add to my story
i'm interested in stories.
i was talking about stress
in my previous journal
and i get called to the side during work

hey if you can't move back within 60 miles of the call center
you lose your job
have a nice day








....lol
i don't think i've ever been so stressed about my job before
and i swear i don't need any higher-up to even catch a whiff of me showing signs of weakness

i've seen how people suddenly stop showing up to work
and then show up one last time with a cardboard box containing their belongings
sure it's not as bad as i'm making it sound

but when i'm not listening to loud music
or looking at pictures of stupid animals doing stupid things

literally the moment i get up to do something like
turn a light on
go to the bathroom
brush my teeth

something that is no longer distracting me from life

i nearly lose composure


who am i kidding
i don't think i've ever been so stressed about my job before
and i swear i don't need any higher-up to even catch a whiff of me showing signs of weakness

i've seen how people suddenly stop showing up to work
and then show up one last time with a cardboard box containing their belongings
sure it's not as bad as i'm making it sound

but when i'm not listening to loud music
or looking at pictures of stupid animals doing stupid things

literally the moment i get up to do something like
turn a light on
go to the bathroom
brush my teeth

something that is no longer distracting me from life

i nearly lose composure


who am i kidding
here is a picture of my father's grave, located in a small side-garden in my grandmother's backyard.
joke: yes we have a dead person in our backyard
jokes aside: he was cremated, and he never liked the ocean that much even though he lived by it. the custom would have been to toss his ashes to the sea

but we kept him home, where he wanted to be.


it's been since September 11 2012
my friends,

i have cut my devart messages clutter by one half. I've learned to not disclose any of my plans, even to myself, so we'll see what happens as a result of all this breathing room in my message centre.

i feel less overwhelmed.

hugs to each of you <3
my widowed grandmother on the phone to a friend:

I'm not scared, but it's so quiet. sometimes I'll have the tv on and I'll turn to Mel to comment on something and i have to remember he's not there.
I get my wings soon.
I can feel it. 
soon i will fly
this is a paradigm shift in the making

remain my friends as I grow and change and become more severe



By severe

well

By the time I'm done being severe, you will have a new understanding of that word.
expect a poem about fleas cuz
i spent three hours washing one cat
and when i close my eyes
those phosphenes are fleas
and they won't go away
I'm gonna have dreams
youtu.be/mJTRq56TbH8
:tea:
so i typed www.deviantart.com into my browser and hit enter
wondering why i hadn't done it in such a long time...



:fear:


I think I'll just go back into my little hole here ...
bats are loud and soft!
this morning at two a.m., I woke up to a silhouette of what I knew was definitely too scattered to be a moth flying around my room, and three of my cats trotting back and forth following this thing's movements.

so I got out of bed and turned the light on to find a little brown bat flirting with the fan blades. I picked up the Batman robe and eventually caught the bat with it gently! and it was loud at that point and onward until I got it downstairs and out the front doors, to the cats' collective disappointment

now the cats are roughousing in protest and I'm wide awake wondering how a bat got inside..
falling behind. gotta catch up.
failed challenge too!  
guess driving to work and back is exhausting
when one normally works from home
I promise I have not forgotten about a single one of you. I don't want you to expect anything quite yet in actuality, but I DO intend to read and comment on each and every deviation in my message centre.

I miss each of you dearly and have felt bad about it the whole time

but I am already resolved to engage in social good behavior..... soon.


love and tea and hugs and most of all compassion to you.
droopy eyes and a reeling mind
gotta work but wanna sleep
and the squealing noise between my ears is winning.

i'm still around here every day...
and i know friendship's gotta go two ways
but right now i don't want to put effort in it
so come visit me instead